How to start a chopper

Mutterings, oaths, incantations, and animal offerings sacrificed at appropriate points in the lunar phase must not be overlooked, lest one risk travel by shoe leather. Only through careful tuning, a state of oneness with the bike, and a blind commitment to the efficacy of the Otto-cycle engine can a chopper be coaxed to life.

Every bike is a bit different, so the sequence can vary a bit, but here’s what a stereotypical owner-written instruction sheet on how to wake the sleeping beast might look like.

Starting bike, rider only

1. Turn on fuel petcock
2. Retard magneto
3. Apply choke/enrichener
4. Kick twice to prime
5. Turn on ignition, turn off enrichener
6. Bike will start within two kicks

Starting bike, rider with several friends watching

1. Retard magneto
2. Apply choke/enrichener
3. Kick twice to prime
4. Turn on ignition, turn off enrichener
5. Begin kicking
6. Bike should fire off within eight to ten kicks
7. Bike will die
8. Bike will not restart; kick furiously
9. Buddies should then proffer suggestions on diagnostic solutions, beginning with likely items, but rapidly escalating to suggest increasingly wild and improbable potential reasons for no-start condition
10. Pant some
11. Remove Ray-Ban Wayfarers
12. Remove pushrod tube covers
13. Ascertain pushrods are adjusted correctly
14. Kick some more
15. Remove spark plug and wire, check for spark
16. Verify spark is present
17. Notice fuel petcock is off. This step should be performed by a friend or bystander, ideally the one with little mechanical experience
18. Turn on fuel petcock
19. Bike will start within two kicks
20. Re-install Ray-Ban Wayfarers

Starting bike, rider with strangers and attractive members of opposite sex watching

1. Turn on fuel petcock

2. Retard magneto
3. Apply choke/enrichener
4. Kick twice to prime
5. Turn on ignition, turn off enrichener
6. Kick
7. Get flannel shirt good and sweaty
8. Kick more
9. Bike will not show hint that it could start in the near future
10. Stand back, fiddle with carb
11. Begin kicking again
12. Verify spark

13. Ignore snickering and comments from bystanders
14. Notice liquid on top of tank
15. Identify liquid as sweat
16. Remove flannel shirt and beanie; use as sweat absorption tools
17. Notice attractive members of opposite sex begin to drift away
18. Kick again
19. Kick more
20. Are you still kicking? Kick harder
21. Injure self while kicking, turn off ignition
22. Sit on curb, remove engineer boot, verify foot still complete and whole
23. Watch attractive members of opposite sex completely retreat
24. Wait for foot to feel better as strangers of same sex also clear out
25. Hobble back to bike
26. Give tender half kick
27. Bike will start flawlessly

As a chopper owner increases his knowledge base, hones his technique, and recovers from the various forms of injury H-D kickers inflict upon their masters over the years, the sequence becomes slightly less complicated.

Starting bike, former chopper owner, onlooker status irrelevant

1. Turn on ignition
2. Press starter button briefly
3. Release starter button as engine begins firing

And there you have it. For the truly evolved chopper owner, it's really as easy as one, two, three.