Why LGBTQ motorcyclists can't “just be a rider” like everyone else

It's an excellent article about how LGBTQ folks too often need to change how they present themselves in the motorcycle world. Not only for the sake of fitting in, but at times for their own safety. What struck me was how it just didn't quite stick the landing. The final take from an otherwise wonderful article read as follows:

"I am a biker and that is all that needs to be said."

Other Common Tread commenters took note of this line as well, often for the worse. The reason I've taken the time to write this article (and in doing so, outing myself to many of my coworkers as well as you, the readership) is that I disagree with this. I think more needs to be said, because we are all more than one thing.

Editor's note: See more #pridemoto stories.

At a glance, I am your typical cis straight white male. I have a daughter, an ex-wife, and a girlfriend. I also have head and face tattoos and am often told by friends and coworkers that they were intimidated when they first met me. What I'm trying to say is, I have the privilege of moving through all the circles of motorcycle enthusiasts without fear of immediate persecution based solely on how I look.

But as a bisexual man who has had relationships with men on and off for the past 15 years, there are still plenty of situations where the gut-wrenching fear of getting outed and treated differently is very real.

I love old Harleys, so I frequent swap meets, chopper shows, and other very typical American V-twin events which draw a certain crowd. If I had a dollar for every time I overheard a gay joke, casual homophobia, or just some guy calling another a faggot then I'd be able to afford a Knucklehead at today's ballooned prices. While I have spoken out at certain times (specifically when someone in particular is being targeted), there are countless times that these slights go uncorrected. Why? Because it is exhausting to have to be the one to educate people and challenge them to think about what they are saying, and why.

What I'm trying to get across is, just "being a biker" isn't enough. If you really love motorcycles (which I really, really, really do) you want to be involved in the community. You want to go to the events. You want to swap stories, have a good time, and feel like you belong. And therein lies the rub. How can I belong when there are so many small but notable signals telling me I'm not welcome?

I wish I could just say "I'm a biker, and that's enough." But that's painting a pretty narrow picture. I'm a motorcycle enthusiast. I'm a man who has loved other men, and has paid a price for it. I'm a father, a boyfriend, a mechanic, an outdoorsman, and a million other things. But the fact that just one of those things is maligned enough to make me feel like I'm not welcome is the issue.

And after years of guilt, trying to blend in, and laughing along with the jokes while my chest tightens and fear sinks in my gut, I've come to accept it's not me that's the problem. It's the culture, and it needs to change. And that's something that needs to be said.